How to Save Your Relationship Without Breaking Up

How to Save Your Relationship Without Breaking Up

When you feel that something is not right in your relationship, here are some tips on how you communicate in your relationship. And save your relationship without getting too disillusioned and breaking up. Its not all about only taking time together, but writing or noticing all the things your partner does ‘right’.  But also saying ‘please’ and 'thank you’ are some of the important factors that you can do to save your relationship.  

Is your relationship worthsaving?

The good news: According to well-known relationship expert David Schnarch, relationships that start out hard times, learning to cope have better prospects for survival than the ones that have been smooth sailing. Schnarch warns that you cannot avoid negative experiences or, in the long term, determine which of these experiences are positive. The better approach is to look at the situation, identify the variables that have contributed to your relationship’s difficulties, and then make a list of positive things you can do.  The situation is summarized: Bad communication creates a bunch of bad experiences. Conversely, good communication enables many positive experiences.

What to do if you're feeling bored in your relationship?

If you feel bored in your relationship, do something to bring you both together. Give up something you enjoy, or do something fun, like going for a walk in the park.  On the other hand, if you're not ready to dump your partner, but you still aren't happy, think of it like being on a diet: Eat whatever you want (just as long as you don't sabotage your new, healthier lifestyle), and do it in moderation. Stressful times, no matter how small effect relationships. Don't pretend it isn't happening, instead of distracting yourself from your partner's stress, face it head-on and learn to communicate effectively. Do something fun in your relationship that gets you both out of your heads.

How to make things fresh and exciting?

Understand you are not alone:  Because an enormous number of people struggle with their romantic relationships, there are hundreds of books out there on how to make things work. This book "The Five Love Languages" can be helpful in the beginning, as long as you don't expect it to ‘magically’ make you feel loved.  One of the five love languages is acts of service if you don't frequently get those ‘acts of service’ make sure that you think about ways to provide that ‘love’.

How to be a great partner?

Listen more, talk less.  If you can stop talking long enough for your partner to finish a thought, you're getting somewhere. Try being more flexible.  For instance, if your partner needs to leave the house at 5 pm instead of 6 pm, embrace the change and be flexible.  Explore new and unexpected ways to be intimate.  For instance, while holding hands and cuddling on the couch, try kissing each other in a certain way – it might turn on a sexual impulse in both of you! Finally, evaluate how you’re communicating.  What are you avoiding to communicate?  Put all issues in perspective and don’t let them build up.  A new, or unfinished, conflict usually always comes down to an impasse on the details.  Decide what is truly important and make the best of a less-than-ideal situation.

Tips for couples living together

  1. Always communicate - Always make sure you’re both involved in your family’s ongoing conversations.  Too many couples never think it’s essential to have a conversation about everything – what you’re doing, who you’re seeing, how much you’re spending when the bills are due, and so on.  
  2. Trust - Both partners need to trust one another – otherwise, the emotional and physical side of the relationship can suffer.
  3. Enthusiasm - Imagine: If you didn’t care about your partner, what would be the reason for you getting out of bed in the morning?
  4. Respectand understanding - Respect your partners’ interests and allow them to have asay in things.  Avoid debating your partner since that could quickly turn into an argument.

Tips for couples who live apart:

Couples who live far apart but see each other often have an easier time improving their relationship.  They should make time to spend with each other whenever they can. When they do spend time together, they should make it count. Research shows that couples who have date nights have a better relationship than those that don't.  They should keep a positive, energetic environment around their relationship.  Create boundaries. If your partner feels neglected or angry, this will create turmoil and create conflict. When to leave:  If a fight starts and you can’t get your partner even to acknowledge your argument, or if your partner goes out and becomes distant.  

The importance ofcommunication:

“We can’t solve a problem that we can’t define.” Unknown author

When communication goes awry, it’s time to talk. Whether you feel a fight is beginning or your partner seems to be giving up, you should always speak up.  

If they let you down, try not to be so dramatic 

  • Knowing what you don’t want is the first step to clarity. What you do want and what you want from your partner is the second.
  • Start by asking your partner if you’re on the same page, then move on from there.  
  • Sticking to a set of rules or standards may be the reason your relationship has stalled.
  • Treat your partner with kindness.
  • Don't put them down.


I'm not saying the above suggestions are easy to implement — they're not — but if you just want to be happy in your relationship, you'll need to follow some of them. Never doubt that small thoughtful things can make your relationship committed and happier indeed.

For the sake of our mental health and our relationships, why not try to change some things that have worked for your relationship in the past?

Contact me if you would like to learn more how I can help you: